I adore my job. I actually feel I am not spending enough time at work right now. I wish I could be there for hours upon hours, working with my kids and making music.
I am music directing two shows at once...With the jobs that I currently have, I seriously do something new...something I never thought I would be capable of...every couple of months. I really am grateful that I am constantly being pushed. And when I think I cannot be pushed any further, something new always comes up.
I am now on the search for a band for You're a Good Man, Charlie Brown. I get to pick my bandmates, choose how much they will be paid, hold rehearsals for them, and conduct the entire run of the show. I was given orchestrations today and I had to look over them...I had a moment where I thought to myself, "Why did they hand me these? I have no idea what to do with them." And then I looked at them. And I understood them. And now I have to find musicians that I want to give a job to. How did that happen?
The world has called all of my best friends into different corners of the world. My best friend Deidre is doing Hairspray on the opposite side of the country right now and it literally breaks my heart every day that I can't be there to see her. My adopted brother and amazing best friend David is in Jamaica. He is in the Novitiate to become a Jesuit priest and he is doing missionary work and teaching over there. It's his birthday today and I wish I could celebrate with him. He is a constant inspiration to me.
Thankfully, California has enticed a couple friends to return to my embrace...Zach and Colleen. Colleen and I, as best friends do, sat on her bed and wept and laughed for hours last night, sharing every single detail of every story we could think of that has happened since the last time we were together. And Zach, my sweet Zach, has already spent the night, made me lunch, let me cry, watched TV mindlessly, laughed hysterically, and gossiped endlessly with me. Even though New York stole him for a couple years, nothing has changed. I am so blessed.
And I have kitties chasing each other around my apartment. Recently I have been feeling stuck. Perhaps even a little suffocated. But I can't help but laugh hysterically as I watch my cats trip over each other and wrestle.
I always go to Charlie Brown rehearsals right after Little Women, so I'm always tired. One day my student brought me a Diet Coke because he knew I would need a pick-me-up.
I always cry when my Meg & John Brooke sing "More Than I Am", and my student repeatedly tells me how sweet I am. I feel like the things that make me the biggest dork are the things that my students love the most about me.
I like being a music director better than I like performing. Performers never get to HEAR the chord they are singing. Not really. I do. I get to sit right in the middle of it and physically feel it vibrate through my entire body and my spirit. I get to have music sung at me and to me and through me. And I get to maneuver it and shape it and form it and make it art.
Ramblings. Life Bullet Points.
I think that's it for now.
27 September 2010
19 August 2010
Goodbye, Old Girl.
Dear Frisky,
I know everyone says their dog is the best dog ever. But I think I win. I had the cutest, smartest, sweetest dog in the whole world.
I will never forget being 10 years old and going to the mall just to get lunch. Thank goodness I was enough of a brat to beg for a puppy we saw at the rescue right next to the door. We all stopped to look at the cute little black and white puppies, and I got to hold your brother for a good half hour. I fell in love with him and begged and begged to bring him home. Little did I know that while I was falling in love with him, my mom was falling in love with you. Even so, we left without a dog. I moped around the entire day, angry at everyone because all I wanted was a dog. Next thing I knew, my dad walked in and told me I had forgotten my jacket in his car....And my entire life was changed when I saw a little puppy paw sticking out of the sleeve.
It took us days to name you. Emily didn't come home from Girl Scout camp until Monday, and none of us could agree. We finally decided on Frisky, the name of our dad's first dog. We didn't think it was too appropriate because you seemed so demure and sweet. Either you rose to the occasion and grew into your name, or we predicted the future because you were the rowdiest puppy in the world. You bit everything you could get your mouth on, including all of us. You ran faster than any dog we had ever seen, and jumped over anything as if you were trained in running obstacle courses.
The day I fell head over heels in love was when I was sitting out by the pool and all of a sudden, my 3-month-old puppy jumped onto the pool cover. I thought for sure you would fall in the pool and be in for a shock of cold water, but you ran right across that pool cover and never fell in. It was one of the funniest things I've ever seen. You figured out what a fun game that was and ran until you got too big. Then the pool days began.
You LOVED that pool. The minute you smelled sun block, your tail would start wagging and you would get so excited, like days at the pool were the best days you could have ever asked for. You would jump in with all of us, swimming laps and staying in the water to keep cool in the California heat. Pretty soon "Frisky, in the pool!" was a common command, and you would come flying into the water. You would jump so far we almost thought you could make it to the other side. We loved sending you off the diving board and seeing how far you could make it. We should have let you compete in that...you would have loved it.
You also protected us from anything you thought could put us in danger. I will never forget when Uncle Bri was wrestling me in the kitchen, pretending to tackle me, but you wouldn't even let him come near me! You love Uncle Bri but right when he started playing rough, you came right in to the rescue. I always felt safe when you were around. We loved having a sheep dog, because we became your sheep and your job was to protect us. I also loved when we would bike around our back yard, and you would nip at our heels to try and herd us into one spot to be safe. We hated having scratches on our heels but we loved being your sheep.
Not only did I get to be a little kid with you - I got to be a teenager with you. You were there so many nights when all I could do was cry. It may have been silly, but you were the one who had to listen to all my secrets and teenage drama. You weren't the cuddliest dog - you were a working dog - but you knew the nights when you just had to lie with me and lick my face. You were my confidante and my friend, and I will never forget those nights.
Then, on my 17th birthday, Cookie came into our lives. You hated that little puppy. She was the new center of attention and she was breaking all the rules you knew so well...biting and chewing on everything, never sleeping, always wanting to play. You were such a grumpy girl for a while, and I hated Cookie for it. I loved you so much that I hated this little puppy that annoyed you so immensely. (We all know we fell in love with her after a while.) You were a great big sister to her and she misses you more than anyone else.
It has been almost a month, and I still miss your kisses and rubbing your belly. I am really glad that even though we weren't allowed to have you sleep in our beds, I had a sleepover with you once. I slept in the den one 4th of July to keep you feeling safe from fireworks and you got right onto the air mattress with me and slept with your head resting on my hip. That was one of my favorite nights ever. You were never the most affectionate dog, but that night you snuggled up to me because you were so afraid. I soaked up every moment.
The thing we girls will miss the most is jacuzzi nights. Every time we had a girls night and put on our bathing suits for a jacuzzi, you would get so excited and sit with us the entire night, as if you were enjoying listening to all the gossip right along with us. You would lick all the chlorine off our faces and give endless kisses as we laughed hysterically. Jacuzzi nights aren't the same anymore without you, dear friend.
I love you and I miss you, and Wilson World will never be the same without you. I'll see you again someday, my puppy.
Love,
Anna May
I know everyone says their dog is the best dog ever. But I think I win. I had the cutest, smartest, sweetest dog in the whole world.
I will never forget being 10 years old and going to the mall just to get lunch. Thank goodness I was enough of a brat to beg for a puppy we saw at the rescue right next to the door. We all stopped to look at the cute little black and white puppies, and I got to hold your brother for a good half hour. I fell in love with him and begged and begged to bring him home. Little did I know that while I was falling in love with him, my mom was falling in love with you. Even so, we left without a dog. I moped around the entire day, angry at everyone because all I wanted was a dog. Next thing I knew, my dad walked in and told me I had forgotten my jacket in his car....And my entire life was changed when I saw a little puppy paw sticking out of the sleeve.
It took us days to name you. Emily didn't come home from Girl Scout camp until Monday, and none of us could agree. We finally decided on Frisky, the name of our dad's first dog. We didn't think it was too appropriate because you seemed so demure and sweet. Either you rose to the occasion and grew into your name, or we predicted the future because you were the rowdiest puppy in the world. You bit everything you could get your mouth on, including all of us. You ran faster than any dog we had ever seen, and jumped over anything as if you were trained in running obstacle courses.
The day I fell head over heels in love was when I was sitting out by the pool and all of a sudden, my 3-month-old puppy jumped onto the pool cover. I thought for sure you would fall in the pool and be in for a shock of cold water, but you ran right across that pool cover and never fell in. It was one of the funniest things I've ever seen. You figured out what a fun game that was and ran until you got too big. Then the pool days began.
You LOVED that pool. The minute you smelled sun block, your tail would start wagging and you would get so excited, like days at the pool were the best days you could have ever asked for. You would jump in with all of us, swimming laps and staying in the water to keep cool in the California heat. Pretty soon "Frisky, in the pool!" was a common command, and you would come flying into the water. You would jump so far we almost thought you could make it to the other side. We loved sending you off the diving board and seeing how far you could make it. We should have let you compete in that...you would have loved it.
You also protected us from anything you thought could put us in danger. I will never forget when Uncle Bri was wrestling me in the kitchen, pretending to tackle me, but you wouldn't even let him come near me! You love Uncle Bri but right when he started playing rough, you came right in to the rescue. I always felt safe when you were around. We loved having a sheep dog, because we became your sheep and your job was to protect us. I also loved when we would bike around our back yard, and you would nip at our heels to try and herd us into one spot to be safe. We hated having scratches on our heels but we loved being your sheep.
Not only did I get to be a little kid with you - I got to be a teenager with you. You were there so many nights when all I could do was cry. It may have been silly, but you were the one who had to listen to all my secrets and teenage drama. You weren't the cuddliest dog - you were a working dog - but you knew the nights when you just had to lie with me and lick my face. You were my confidante and my friend, and I will never forget those nights.
Then, on my 17th birthday, Cookie came into our lives. You hated that little puppy. She was the new center of attention and she was breaking all the rules you knew so well...biting and chewing on everything, never sleeping, always wanting to play. You were such a grumpy girl for a while, and I hated Cookie for it. I loved you so much that I hated this little puppy that annoyed you so immensely. (We all know we fell in love with her after a while.) You were a great big sister to her and she misses you more than anyone else.
It has been almost a month, and I still miss your kisses and rubbing your belly. I am really glad that even though we weren't allowed to have you sleep in our beds, I had a sleepover with you once. I slept in the den one 4th of July to keep you feeling safe from fireworks and you got right onto the air mattress with me and slept with your head resting on my hip. That was one of my favorite nights ever. You were never the most affectionate dog, but that night you snuggled up to me because you were so afraid. I soaked up every moment.
The thing we girls will miss the most is jacuzzi nights. Every time we had a girls night and put on our bathing suits for a jacuzzi, you would get so excited and sit with us the entire night, as if you were enjoying listening to all the gossip right along with us. You would lick all the chlorine off our faces and give endless kisses as we laughed hysterically. Jacuzzi nights aren't the same anymore without you, dear friend.
I love you and I miss you, and Wilson World will never be the same without you. I'll see you again someday, my puppy.
Love,
Anna May
13 May 2010
Emily Marie.
This little girl...
...was born when I was 1 1/2 years old. (I don't remember a single day without her.)
This little girl...
...is not only my little sister. She is my twin, in every way.
This little girl...
...is not so little anymore.
My baby sister, my twin, my brudder, is graduating from college tomorrow. I couldn't be prouder of her...she did it in three years, my friends. A 20-year-old college graduate, ready to take on the world.
My brudder, I adore you and I can't wait to celebrate with you tomorrow!
Thank you for being my best friend.
"When sisters stand shoulder to shoulder, who stands a chance against us?" -Pam Brown
...was born when I was 1 1/2 years old. (I don't remember a single day without her.)
This little girl...
...is not only my little sister. She is my twin, in every way.
This little girl...
...is not so little anymore.
My baby sister, my twin, my brudder, is graduating from college tomorrow. I couldn't be prouder of her...she did it in three years, my friends. A 20-year-old college graduate, ready to take on the world.
My brudder, I adore you and I can't wait to celebrate with you tomorrow!
Thank you for being my best friend.
"When sisters stand shoulder to shoulder, who stands a chance against us?" -Pam Brown
01 May 2010
A Milestone.
I just conducted a 20-piece orchestra in an entire musical while playing the piano.
I wish there were words to describe how I am feeling... I don't really think anyone could understand how huge this is for me, and what a huge fear I have overcome.
I cried on my way home, because amidst the chaos and stress of the last month, I just did something that I have never done before. Something I was always too afraid to try - because I thought I was incapable.
And I did it. And even better than that... I did it well.
I rarely say "I am proud of myself." But tonight, I am. I am so proud of myself.
And I am so proud of my students. They are my laughter, my sanity, and my joy.
And I have realized they know me better than most people in my life, and love me unconditionally and more deeply and openly than I have ever thought was possible. I am humbled every day at how loved I feel when I come home from work.
Is that not ridiculous? I come home from working feeling loved.
I am so, so blessed.
I wish there were words to describe how I am feeling... I don't really think anyone could understand how huge this is for me, and what a huge fear I have overcome.
I cried on my way home, because amidst the chaos and stress of the last month, I just did something that I have never done before. Something I was always too afraid to try - because I thought I was incapable.
And I did it. And even better than that... I did it well.
I rarely say "I am proud of myself." But tonight, I am. I am so proud of myself.
And I am so proud of my students. They are my laughter, my sanity, and my joy.
And I have realized they know me better than most people in my life, and love me unconditionally and more deeply and openly than I have ever thought was possible. I am humbled every day at how loved I feel when I come home from work.
Is that not ridiculous? I come home from working feeling loved.
I am so, so blessed.
09 April 2010
Exciting Things are Happening!
Hello, my friends!
I just have a couple of save-the-dates and invitations for you and your friends!
This coming Thursday, April 15th, is the premiere party for the 2nd episode of The Sunset Players! We're having a bash at Cinespace in Hollywood and we would love to pack the place! It's at 8 pm sharp... the details are all here: http://www.facebook.com/home.php?#!/event.php?eid=107524392612022
Please come and support our little show! We would love to have you there!
In other news... I am officially producing my own cabaret, and would LOVE to have you there... the first one is on May 2nd, at Live at the Lounge in Hermosa Beach! More details to come, but please save the date. I am hoping "Cabaret at the Lounge" will be a huge success that will become a monthly occurrence!
Hope to see you all there :)
Love!
Mazie
I just have a couple of save-the-dates and invitations for you and your friends!
This coming Thursday, April 15th, is the premiere party for the 2nd episode of The Sunset Players! We're having a bash at Cinespace in Hollywood and we would love to pack the place! It's at 8 pm sharp... the details are all here: http://www.facebook.com/home.php?#!/event.php?eid=107524392612022
Please come and support our little show! We would love to have you there!
In other news... I am officially producing my own cabaret, and would LOVE to have you there... the first one is on May 2nd, at Live at the Lounge in Hermosa Beach! More details to come, but please save the date. I am hoping "Cabaret at the Lounge" will be a huge success that will become a monthly occurrence!
Hope to see you all there :)
Love!
Mazie
03 March 2010
Preview Time!
The trailer for the web series I'm in, "The Sunset Players", is finally up!
The first episode comes out March 15th... please subscribe and comment on youtube!
Love!
Mazie
The first episode comes out March 15th... please subscribe and comment on youtube!
Love!
Mazie
24 February 2010
Celebrating Singlehood
This morning on my way to church, I was listening to Valentine on the radio for a few minutes and managed to catch a glimpse of a conversation that was all too pertinent in my life. They were discussing a [single] female acquaintance of theirs and how she was throwing herself a house-warming party and had registered herself for gifts.
All of them argued that this was strange, and allowed women to start calling in to laugh at this woman for her lack of etiquette, stating that the only time it is appropriate to do something like that is when you are getting married.
Now, if I heard correctly, this woman is a little older, and has decided on a life of singlehood. Therefore, she will not get married nor will she ever enjoy the parties, receiving of gifts, or the big celebrations that go into a wedding.
So what is the problem with her celebrating... herself?
I am very open about the fact that I have been single for a long time. My last real relationship was about three years ago, if you can even count relationships at the age of 19 "real." (It is funny to realize that even if three years doesn't seem that long, relationships at age 22 and being out of college are incredibly different than what they were when I was 19.)
Now, those who know me really well know that I celebrate my singlehood every year. You read correctly. Once a year I throw myself a celebration. I wear a dress and heels, and take myself out or get all my friends together to party! I figure that if I don't have a "special someone" to celebrate my beauty, why not celebrate it myself?
If I never get married, who else is going to celebrate for me? And who says I can't treat myself to special events and gifts like my married friends? Where is that written in the "etiquette" books?
I guess what it comes down to for me is that as a single woman, I have learned how to live on my own and rely on myself for most things. In fact, if/when a man does ever enter my life, I know I am going to have a strange adjustment period of learning how to allow myself to rely on him for some things.
But when you learn how to rely on yourself for so long, you learn that sometimes there won't be someone to celebrate with you.
So I will continue to celebrate myself. Because I am so worth celebrating. Every part of me is beautiful, strong, independent, passionate, and absolutely fabulous. If I never have a man to remind me of these things, I will be absolutely fine.
I applaud the single women throwing themselves house warming parties and registering for gifts. The single women taking themselves out to dinner. Dressing up solely for themselves. Learning how to cope with being independent every day in a world that tells us we need to have someone to share our lives with. To my single ladies, you go, girls. Seriously.
I hope that one day you will all be there when I throw myself a party for which I will register my fierce single self for gifts.
Screw "etiquette".
All of them argued that this was strange, and allowed women to start calling in to laugh at this woman for her lack of etiquette, stating that the only time it is appropriate to do something like that is when you are getting married.
Now, if I heard correctly, this woman is a little older, and has decided on a life of singlehood. Therefore, she will not get married nor will she ever enjoy the parties, receiving of gifts, or the big celebrations that go into a wedding.
So what is the problem with her celebrating... herself?
I am very open about the fact that I have been single for a long time. My last real relationship was about three years ago, if you can even count relationships at the age of 19 "real." (It is funny to realize that even if three years doesn't seem that long, relationships at age 22 and being out of college are incredibly different than what they were when I was 19.)
Now, those who know me really well know that I celebrate my singlehood every year. You read correctly. Once a year I throw myself a celebration. I wear a dress and heels, and take myself out or get all my friends together to party! I figure that if I don't have a "special someone" to celebrate my beauty, why not celebrate it myself?
If I never get married, who else is going to celebrate for me? And who says I can't treat myself to special events and gifts like my married friends? Where is that written in the "etiquette" books?
I guess what it comes down to for me is that as a single woman, I have learned how to live on my own and rely on myself for most things. In fact, if/when a man does ever enter my life, I know I am going to have a strange adjustment period of learning how to allow myself to rely on him for some things.
But when you learn how to rely on yourself for so long, you learn that sometimes there won't be someone to celebrate with you.
So I will continue to celebrate myself. Because I am so worth celebrating. Every part of me is beautiful, strong, independent, passionate, and absolutely fabulous. If I never have a man to remind me of these things, I will be absolutely fine.
I applaud the single women throwing themselves house warming parties and registering for gifts. The single women taking themselves out to dinner. Dressing up solely for themselves. Learning how to cope with being independent every day in a world that tells us we need to have someone to share our lives with. To my single ladies, you go, girls. Seriously.
I hope that one day you will all be there when I throw myself a party for which I will register my fierce single self for gifts.
Screw "etiquette".
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