A Year in Review

I haven't written in here in a long time, but I haven't forgotten about it. I've come back to do a year in review - to talk about the things I went through during my junior year of college. I've come to the conclusion that college is not about learning your trade, or declaring a major, or taking general ed classes to be well-rounded. There is value in all of those things, but I have come to the conclusion that college is about learning about yourself. Who you are, the way you work in relationships, what kind of friend you want to be, what kind of people you want in your life, what your passions are, how you handle your conflicts, what motivates you, what your goals are, and the things you want to change and the things you really love about yourself.

I am unsure just how to blog about my year and how much I learned, so I will try to encompass my year through pictures and some anecdotes, starting with the beginning - September 2007.

To be perfectly honest, my fall quarter started out horribly. In one week I got into a bad car accident and was betrayed by someone really close to my heart. I was in a daze for quite some time, not really understanding why either of these things happened to me. I'm a huge "cryer" and for the first time in my life, I was so stunned that I just couldn't cry. I could have died - in fact, I should have died in that accident, and I am so grateful I didn't. My tire blew out on the 405 driving home from school at about 5 pm right next to LAX. I was in the fast lane and spun out until I slammed into the railing on the right side. I don't know how it happened, but everything worked out so that I didn't even get hurt. There were about 5 cars going at least 70 miles an hour that missed hitting me probably by inches, and I landed in the shoulder of the road so no one could hit me. I also did not realize I wasn't hitting my brakes until about halfway across the freeway but I slammed on them in time to not collide with the railing too hard (hard enough to move my front bumper a few feet to the right, though). Although I was not injured, my car was, and so was my feeling of security while driving.

While I was still recovering from the shock of the accident, I found out this person I had allowed to come into my life and affect my heart so deeply had been lying to me for the duration of our relationship, which was devastating. I never cried or talked about it - I think it was too painful for words or tears for some time. I finally broke down one night while Zach stayed up all hours with me while I cried louder and harder and uglier than ever.

To this day I don't quite understand the purpose behind either of those incidents. I will never know why bad things happen or why people get hurt. In the midst of looking for an answer, though, I finally did something that I had been wanting to do for years.

I joined the Life Teen CORE team at a parish in Irvine, where I finally felt like I had found a spiritual home while I was at school. My first event with the group was Inspiration at Magic Mountain. I remember praying with thousands of people, mostly people younger than myself, and I realized I needed to take my life into my hands and make some serious decisions. It was then that I truly started taking my faith seriously and making it my own. I gave my heart and my life to God in a way I never had before - in total surrender. I knew that God's plan for my life was better than any plan I could think of myself and I knew that I could no longer hold on to my life so tightly. Once I finally opened my hands up to God and gave him my wounded heart, I felt the healing that I needed beginning inside me. With this healing and this knowledge that my life was now in God's hands, I began to live in freedom and was able to thrive in love and joy.

With this new joy, came wonderful days like October 22 - my 20th birthday.

My friends and I went to dinner at the Rainforest Cafe after which we came back to my apartment and watched Love Actually and baked cookies - a lovely way to spend a night with my girlfriends. On my actual birthday, my dear friend Amanda took me to Disneyland & California Adventure, where Zach and Laura joined us. After a few hours going on every ride and taking silly pictures, Laura and Amanda joined me in going up to Wilson World for a brief family celebration. It was so wonderful being with my family again, and bringing friends home to spend that time together. We had a huge family dance party, after which Amanda told me meeting my family makes me make more sense. I can't tell you how often I am told that after people meet my family.

The rest of my Fall Quarter was really beautiful, filled with joy and an inner peace I had never known before. With that, coming home for winter break was amazing. My siblings and I spent Christmas Eve singing carols as loud as we possibly could lying underneath the Christmas tree - which is louder than you think, trust me.My family brings me so much joy, as you can see in other posts I've made on this blog. It's nights like Christmas Eve that remind me of how unique my family is, and how amazing they are. They have made me who I am, and I truly adore them more than I could possibly put into words.

With that, I will conclude the first third of my year in review - fall quarter - the last few months of 2007. Check back for the rest of the year later, starting with New Years and the beginning of 2008. :)