A Quick Year-in-Review

2009 has been full of adventures - adventures that I don't even realize are all contained within the same year, as some of them seem so long ago.

Anyway, I stole this idea from Liz, hope she doesn't mind - just a quick look back at some highlights!

JANUARY:

My high school best friend, Natalie, and I rang in the new year alone at her house with some champagne... We were so lost in catching up and cracking up that we missed midnight... but it was perfect.

FEBRUARY:

I composed a musical in two months... I finished on February 23, 2009. I was tired... all the time. But friends like Ian got me through it!

MARCH:

Aforementioned musical, The Book of Tink, opened and closed. What an experience.

APRIL:

I had the idea one day to take my 3 best friends and put up Songs For a New World in about 3 weeks. Everyone thought I was nuts... but we did it.

MAY:


I got the privilege of performing in Little Women with 9 of the greatest people ever, who became my family and closest friends. I got four beautiful daughters at the age of 21 - some of whom were older than me. It was fabulous.

JUNE:

Deidre & I threw an epic boat party. I had 95 people on a boat, dancing and celebrating graduation & the end of the year. Honestly, probably one of my proudest achievements of 2009... putting that whole thing together and watching everyone have a blast.

Oh yeah...


I also graduated from UCI!

JULY:

I got my job at SOCSA, music directing Guys & Dolls. You can't see me, I'm in the middle of the teenage group hug.

AUGUST:

This Catholic girl had a job music directing ArtsFest for the teens at the Jewish Community Center.

And I threw my first bachelorette party. Success.

SEPTEMBER:


Apparently nothing exciting happened in September, except that these photos were posted on facebook by my nostalgic sister. Enjoy.

OCTOBER:
I chaperoned my students' choir retreat/campout. Probably the most fun I had had in years... everything from staying up til 2 AM trying to kill spiders, to the talent show & just staying up gossiping with my girls.
Michelle got MARRIED! First girl to go!
I turned 22 and threw a Murder Mystery Party. It was nuts.

NOVEMBER:

Thanksgiving: We had to document the fact that we're all the same height... it won't last much longer.

DECEMBER:

Annie. Read previous post. :)

And we spent Christmas Eve, as always, out of the back of my mom's van singing Christmas carols as loud as we can!


So long, 2009. I can't wait to see what adventures 2010 has in store!

Happy New Year, my friends!

Who Would Have Thought?

So... I'm a high school music director.

And I am totally, completely, madly in love with my job.

...Who would have thought?

Six months ago I graduated from UC Irvine, crying every day about leaving my friends and my life behind, and absolutely terrified, having NO idea what was supposed to come next.

I started working at SOCSA out of fear that nothing else would come along, and I needed money. For the last six months I had been so fearful that I had given myself to a job that I wasn't supposed to be at, or that I was sitting around waiting for what I'm REALLY supposed to do.

I am pretty sure this is exactly where I am supposed to be.

All I can do is thank God for blessing me so immensely. I don't quite know what I did to deserve this joy, besides trust Him to the best of my ability. Trusting Him is something I'm learning how to do more and more each day as He continually proves that He knows what is best for me.

I got my degree in Drama... as in... performance. My dream was always to be on Broadway, to win a Tony award, to record cast albums... you know the deal.

I want to be a high school teacher.

How did that even happen?

My students have totally changed my life, my heart, and turned my world upside-down. Never have I felt so loved at a workplace or during a rehearsal process. The hugs I receive when I walk into the theatre are priceless every single day, and the texts I get saying "I miss you!" when I miss a rehearsal always warm my heart. My wonderful Annie cast was full of students who worked so hard and were so passionate. I was stunned every night by my orphans and their "Hard Knock Life" and "Fully Dressed". I have never seen a group of girls work so hard as a unit to make their numbers as perfect as they could be.

(My orphans, Hannigan, and Drake about to go on stage.)

One of my most amazing experiences in this process was working with Shannon, a freshman student of mine who played Annie. For those of you who don't know... "Tomorrow" is written in a RIDICULOUS key that is almost impossible to belt for girls who aren't 10 or 11 years old. For the entire rehearsal process, Shannon and I worked on how to belt it properly, or at least how to strengthen her mix, and I knew she had it in her to let it rip. But she was too afraid, and would always give up about halfway through. Finally, during our LAST week of rehearsals - the band had come in and everyone was in costume - we called Shannon to come back and practice "Tomorrow" with us. I begged her once more to just go for it - after all, when a 20-piece orchestra is playing with you, who's going to hear if you screw up anyway?

And she did it.

I legitimately was screaming from my piano. I don't think I've ever gotten more excited during a rehearsal process in my life. I was practically in tears over how proud I was, and how far my girl had come. She never mixed that song for the whole run of the show - even during the reprise, which I told her she could sing gently - she never gave even 95%. That girl gave the performance of her life every time.

What an inspiration. It made playing that song 6 times throughout the whole show every night absolutely worthwhile.

And when the rehearsal process DID get absolutely exhausting and frustrating (as it usually does)... more students came in and inspired me all over again. My band. Oh my gosh, I don't even know where to begin with these kids. The way it works is that we get crammed onto the back of the stage behind a huge wall, all 20 of us and our conductor - another faculty member, Steve. This creates an environment of becoming friends... fast.

I loved my girls next to me on the reeds and woodwinds, we would take ridiculous pictures and videos and share snacks and laughs. The horn section was another one of my favorites... the boys in the back never failed to crack me up whether it be by head-banging to the finale, or their nightly tradition of mocking the orphans (very fondly) while they were on stage all screaming like little girls.

(The picture one of my students drew of me and posted on the back of the set.)

I will never forget closing night of Annie. I don't know what came over us, but by the end of the finale we were all playing our instruments standing up and dancing... as much as we could in a space that left no room to even breathe. Anyone who didn't have their mouth on an instrument sang along with the final chorus of "Tomorrow" and we were all just giving it everything we had. It was honestly the most fun I've had... well, probably since high school.

(The wall of pictures the band colored during the show, in between numbers, and posted on the back of the set... True story.)

I wish I could tell every single one of them what a difference they have made in my life and how much they inspire me - their passion, humor, charisma, and energy never cease to amaze and inspire me in the deepest way.

Not to mention that I work with the most amazing people... Brittany, Keeran, Joe, Steve, and every adult working on this show is such a joy.

Our next show is 42nd Street and after that? West Side Story.

It's a strange feeling to know that this is my job now. My life. I already know what I will be doing at least through July, and hopefully long after that. What a gift.

Don't worry... I'm still singing. That desire will never go away. Gonna record an album one of these days, I promise.

I just have to share this joy. It's such a blessing.

So this girl with a BA in Drama who had no idea what was supposed to come next?

She's gonna keep working with teenagers, playing piano, writing, singing, and praying that God keeps showing her the way.

(Our good luck tiki definitely did his job.)

Merry Christmas!

My 13-year-old brother got a drum set for Christmas. My house will never know quiet again.

Not that quiet ever existed at Wilson World to begin with, but... seriously.

The Life of a Pianist... or, Kill Me Now.

So, as I've said, I am the Music Director at SOCSA. Well, they hired me for a show they do called Broadway Night, which is like a cabaret of solos and group numbers that the kids put together. I got the music over the weekend - which basically means I am sight reading a show of about 30 pieces. Granted, my boss Ray steps in and plays a few that are impossible for me (ie, anything from Legally Blonde... I hate that music for piano).

Anyway, Ray and I have separate binders of music and we usually trade off and play from our own books. I think this is a pain and that we should have one book, but I learned my lesson last night.

We got to the middle of Act 2, and Shannon's solo came up - "I Miss the Mountains" from Next to Normal. I couldn't find it in my book, so I just told Ray I'd use his - it wasn't a big deal.

I forgot that halfway through the song there was a modulation that I had only written into my music.

Oops.

Scariest moment of my life - realizing that there was a key change and that I didn't have in my music at all.

So I transposed on sight. I have never, ever done this in my life, especially not at a PERFORMANCE.

That poor girl made it through SO well, because I was somewhat of a mess until about the last 16 bars. But she just kept going and never faltered. So proud of her.

And somehow... I'm proud of myself, because I didn't stop playing, I kept going, and I managed to transpose that last 16 bars on sight - when I had finally just FOCUSED and forced myself to do it.

The funny thing about this job is that I am constantly being pushed past what I think my "limit" as a pianist is, and I am put in positions where I have no choice but to do more than what I think I am capable of.

And somehow I always pull through.

It doesn't mean that I don't want to die while it's going on.

Well... I love my job. I can't even think about anything else while shows are going on because it's so stressful for me. But... man, am I learning a lot.

And I guess I'm a better pianist than I thought I was.

Thanks, SOCSA.

Strangest Wake-Up Call Ever...?

I genuinely had the strangest experience of my life this morning, and I don't know what to do besides write it down.

I am house-sitting a gorgeous house in Laguna Beach for a friend right now, so I sleep here and stay with the dog.

6:45 AM today I heard the strangest knocking sound, so I got a little scared that someone was knocking on the door - especially when the dog started going crazy. But instead of going to the door, Gizmo ran straight to the master bedroom and was barking towards the back patio (which is on the beach.)

I look outside and see a woman rearranging the patio furniture. She then proceeds to lie down in one of the chairs, puts her jacket over her like a blanket and pulls out a magazine to read.

WHAT.

THE.

HECK.

It's so early and I'm so confused I think maybe my friend has a housekeeper she didn't tell me about, and she just came early to enjoy the view. Otherwise how would she have a key to get into the patio?

Anyway, I walked right outside and asked her if I could help her, and we had a conversation about how she wants to rent a house here, and thought that this was a public patio and that she would just wait until the offices opened.

Ummmm...

"This is a private patio, ma'am."

"Oh! Do you live here?"

"No, I stay here while my friend is away."

"Well how much is rent??"

"I don't know."

"Oh, you don't live here?"

"No."

"So are these separate homes?"

"Yes."

"Do you know how much they cost?"

"Nope."

"Do you know where the cheapest place to live around here is?"

"No..."

Seriously... this continued for I don't know how long, until I told her I was going inside and when I came back out I hoped she would be gone.

I then thought to ask her if she jumped the gate. That would be quite the feat for a 60-some year old lady.

She didn't, it was unlocked. Perfect.

Kind of glad it was a 60-year-old lady who discovered that, not someone else.

I locked all the doors, watched her for a bit, lied down for like 5 minutes, and came back and she was gone.

I'm still so confused that I don't quite know how to feel about the whole thing.

So just had to write it all down. What a morning.

Summer is over...

The reality of not going back to school for the first time in my life is starting to settle in.

I had a rough couple of weeks recently. At one point in time over the summer, I had four jobs overlapping each other. I was music directing Guys & Dolls, singing at Mass every Sunday, music directing ArtsFest at the Jewish Community Center in Irvine, and singing at the concerts in the park with the Pacific Symphony. It was great to have so much work - but I was just asking for a stress-induced breakdown and I definitely got it.

Guys & Dolls went extremely well, and I fell absolutely in love with my students. The scariest part of the job was that I had to play piano with their 16-piece orchestra, and I have never done that before. One day our conductor, Steve, left because it was his pregnant wife's birthday. He left and nonchalantly told me to conduct the rehearsal that night. I had never conducted in my life. Ever. We did the whole show - and somehow survived. After we got through curtain call, I fell on the floor of the stage and starting laughing and crying hysterically. I had absolutely no idea how to handle the amount of anxiety, fear, stress, excitement and adrenaline I had running through my body for the last 2 1/2 hours - so I laughed and laughed.

Those kids really made my whole summer. They re-hired me for the fall and I'm working there now as their music director. We're working on Annie right now, which I'm having a blast with. Most of the kids are new and weren't in Guys & Dolls, so I have to re-build those relationships again, but I'm confident that we will get there. This weekend I was asked to be the chaperone for their choir retreat - which I think is hilarious because I honestly don't feel like I'm old enough to be a "chaperone." Apparently when Ray (their choir teacher) announced I'd be the girls' chaperone, everyone screamed in class. I was so excited to hear this - to know that I'm so loved by my students is an incredible feeling.

My other jobs over the summer were an adventure, and definitely not as noteworthy. I loved singing with the Pacific Symphony once again. This time we did The King & I, and I got to sing "Getting to Know You" & "Whistle a Happy Tune." The conductor of the symphony, Carl St. Clair, is truly one of the greatest artists I've ever met - so full of passion and humor, and an honor to work with. I have loved singing with the symphony these two summers - it is an honor to sing with such talented musicians.

ArtsFest was a little less exciting. It was a 5-day camp for high school kids at the Jewish Community Center to learn a specific field within the arts and put on a show. I was the musical theatre assistant/music director, and everyday was exhausting and less than rewarding. I won't say much more than that, but this was the time when my huge breakdown happened. My one saving grace was that my dear friend, Zach Reino, was the acting assistant. Every day we would call each other on our lunch break and search for each other to remain sane throughout the crazy days. I am thankful for the experience, because I learned a lot and it was a practice in patience. I also can't leave out the fact that I met some great people. My new friend, Mattan, who is from Israel - taught the jazz band. He became my new best friend, and he even asked me to join the jazz band for the performance and play the egg shaker which I thought was hilarious. I unfortunately had to stay at my piano, but I was thrilled that over 5 days we had bonded and become such dear friends.

The last couple of weeks were a struggle of realizing that summer is over and life is really starting. I don't know if I'm supposed to be teaching at a high school, or auditioning, or writing music, or what. I don't know. I feel helpless some days, searching for what I'm supposed to do or what I want to do or where God truly wants me. I don't know if I just took the job at Dana Hills to bide my time - so I could at least say that I have a job, and I'm not just completely wasting my time. Am I supposed to be doing something else?

I guess the answer is I don't know. But sometimes I forget how much I love these kids and then I go back to rehearsal and remember that they inspire me, shower me with love, and give me something to work towards. I am blessed. And who knows where life will take me in the future, but this is where I am now and I need to make the absolute most of it.

The last few days I stayed with my 6 guys friends in Irvine so I could be closer to my work. 4 of these guys were my best friends, Alex, Andreas, Sean & Ian - and the other 2 are already so dear to my heart. I had been struggling with these feelings of hopelessness, and even feeling like I did not have friends anymore. All these feelings were completely erased by being taken in by such wonderful guys who took such good care of me and definitely filled me with love. I can't believe they would take me in for free and let me stay there for 4 days at time, sleeping on their couches, on their floors, feeding me, and just taking care of me. I baked them brownies to say thank you - and I'm going to learn how to cook dinners for them so I can continue to earn my keep! I couldn't ask for a better household to be adopted 7th roommate in - I haven't felt so happy in a long time.

So there's life for now. I'm just going to keep doing what I'm doing and hope I am continually guided in the right direction.

In the meantime... I will keep playing "Tomorrow" on the piano, chaperone high school retreats, be the 7th roommate of 6 great guys, love spending time with my family, and sing every chance I get.

My Best Friend & Inspiration

David and I have been friends since the beginning of our senior year of high school and he is practically part of my family. He is the friend who I call at 2 in the morning crying over a fight with my sister, or to tell him a boy kissed me, or just to talk. He is the friend who got me together with my boyfriend my senior year of high school. (He is the friend who dated my best friend in high school!) He and I (along with my sister Emily and friend Jerome) had a carpool senior year that we called JADE - where we would drive home from rehearsal with all our windows rolled down blasting music and singing. It didn't matter how bad rehearsal was or how tired we were, JADE always made things better. We have been there for each other through falling in love and for every heartbreak throughout college. I consider David not only a best friend, but a brother - someone who comes over to my family's house even when I'm not there - someone who I have shared everything with - and someone who knows me better than most friends. Someone who loves me so unconditionally & who I know will always, always be there.

Throughout college, David travelled to El Salvador, the Philippines, & Mexico (among many other countries) to do missionary work. I don't think I could put into words how proud I am for the work he has done and for the lives he has changed.

And he has listened to the calling of God - the specific calling to begin the journey of becoming a priest.

He moved into the Jesuit Novitiate on Sunday, and invited me to come with his family for the welcome day. There was an amazing Mass with the 10 novices and their families and friends. What moved me the most was the song "You Are Mine." The chorus says:

"Do not be afraid, I am with you
I have called you each by name
Come and follow me, I will bring you home
I love you, and you are mine."

I started getting teary-eyed at this point, because I realized that God called my best friend by name. I also realized how incredibly scary it must be for him to leave everything behind and follow that calling - a calling that most people do not understand or respect. To sacrifice everything and leave it all behind to follow Christ is something that I admire so much. It is something I barely understand, which makes me realize how much more work I have to do on my heart and in my relationship with Christ.

I am so inspired by my best friend who is walking fearlessly into an unknown future that God has chosen specifically for him.

I was also inspired by how many young men are joining the Jesuits. I have never seen a man my age wearing a collar, let alone 7. The 7 second-year novices were all in their collars, and there were 10 new novices entering the Jesuits. I just can't imagine following such a difficult calling at my age, right out of college. To see 17 men my age leaving everything behind to follow God was surreal for me, and has given me a hunger and desire to follow God's path fearlessly and with my heart on fire for Him.

So, so proud of my brother. If you can, say a prayer for him while he begins this journey.

Blessed

I feel so blessed that after eight years, I was able to sit and watch this exquisite piece of art with my brave mama. It took my breath away, moved me to tears, and inspired me to live and appreciate each moment - far more than I have been recently.

Choreographed by Tyce D'Orio, danced by Melissa & Ade on "So You Think You Can Dance" - a piece about breast cancer:



Thank God for my mommy's life.

Also, Mia Michaels said something about a choreographer on the show tonight - that she doesn't dance a step without it coming from the deepest part of her soul.

The deepest part of MY soul was stirred and came alive for a moment because of the realization and decision I made at that instant.

I never, ever want to sing a note without it coming from the deepest part of my soul.

Thank you, God, for a little bit of inspiration tonight. I definitely needed it.

A New Start... to Blogging, and to Life

Graduating from college is terrifying.

I was just reading different tips on how to start a blog, or what kind of things to write about. I guess the consensus is that a blog should be about something specific, which is something I like. Now, it's not like me to go along with what everyone else is doing, but I am usually lost as to what to write in this thing, so I'd like to try something different to inspire me a bit.

I think without even meaning to, I realized that my blog is about the adventures and struggles of a girl who has just graduated from college and has no idea what to do with her life. So there's my jumping point. Here I go.

Adventures in an Uncertain World.
Adventures with a B.A. in Drama from UC Irvine.

I am going to start by saying that I LOVED UC Irvine. I wrote infrequent posts about my time at UCI, talking about shows I did or what I was up to. I don't think I ever fully expressed just how much I adored my school and how grateful I was to be there. I made the greatest friends, and had become part of an amazing community of artists who supported each other and truly loved one another. Every day that was a struggle was also a joy, because of the love I was constantly surrounded by. At UCI, the Claire Trevor School of the Arts is separated from the rest of campus by a bridge (when the school was built they felt the artists were the most likely to hold riots...). We were in a safe haven, a place where we could be ourselves and rehearse Shakespeare outside, walk around singing, dressed in tights and leotards, where we all knew each other. The Cyber A is the central location - the little coffee shop where if you felt lonely, all you had to do was walk in and you would run into someone you knew. Sometimes I would walk in pretending I wanted water, just so I could see who was in Cyber A at the time because I needed a friend. Sometimes I would nap on the couches, or sit at a table memorizing lines for hours just letting friends come and go as their class schedule permitted. My favorite time was on Tuesdays and Thursdays from 2:30 to around 3:15, when everyone would come to Cyber A before Cliff's 120 (Development of Theatre) class. Everyone was in this class, so everyone would gather to walk over together. My senior year I had already taken the class, but I would hang out just so I could see Rachelle and Perry and gossip about the happenings of the last few days, or so I could get a big hug from Andreas, or just be reminded that I am loved by any of my friends in line for coffee to make a feeble attempt to not fall asleep in 120... There was just always love in that coffee shop, the center of the Claire Trevor School of the Arts.

But now it's time to start talking about my new adventures. My adventures in this big world I am now a part of, where I no longer have a little Cyber A or a bridge separating me from the rest of the world.

I decided long ago that I would trust God to show me what He wanted me to do after graduation. I lived with my best friend Deidre for my senior year, who is very driven and prefers to have plans - so some days it was hard when people would ask us,

"What are you doing after graduation?"
And my best friend would answer, "I'm going to be in 42nd Street at Moonlight and in the fall I'm planning to move to New York," which I would have to follow with, "Yeah, I'm moving home and have no idea what I'm doing."

I still knew somehow that I was not supposed to have a plan, though. I was open to whatever God had in store for me - and I was taken completely by surprise and was incredibly humbled when I got 3 jobs in a matter of a few days.

Right now, I'm working at Dana Hills High School, music directing their production of Guys & Dolls. I have found it to be so incredibly fulfilling. I know I want to be a performer and an artist, but I have experienced so much joy in my years as a teacher. This is my first time working with kids without disabilities, and I thought that would make it more difficult for me - but I truly love my students and I'm having a blast. How lucky am I that I make my living playing piano and being a kid? Not to mention the director, Brittany, and I have become such dear friends and get along perfectly - what a blessing. The problem is, the school is a 2 hour drive away from my house. We don't need to delve into that. Let's just say I'm always tired.

Pretty soon I'll be singing at the concerts in the park summer series with the Pacific Symphony, after which I'll be music directing the ArtsFest art camp at the JCC in Orange County. I didn't apply or pursue any of these jobs, except for auditioning once for the Symphony - God has truly looked out for me.

What comes after August 13th, though? Who knows.

I have so much about myself and about life I have yet to figure out. But I'll share all that with you guys as I go.


Deidre and I, despite our different plans and paths, are ready to embrace the world with open arms.

The Things I am Learning as a College Graduate

70 year old women are just as catty as 20 year old women.

Honestly, that's about all I have to say right now.

The Lava Pit of Life

Last week I missed two days of work, and came back on Monday. After having an extremely rough couple of weeks, I really did not want to come back. The minute I walked into the theatre, though, my students raced towards me to hug me & tell me that they missed me. I didn't realize how much I had been aching to feel loved.

My one autistic student said to me:

"Oh, we missed you so much. Your music is like... like an angel's harp in the lava pit of life."

Life really is a lava pit, isn't it. I am humbled by the fact that my music can be an angel's harp amidst the chaos to someone.

Amidst my chaos and my pain, I have been blessed with my own angel's harp to remind me every day that I am loved. Thank God for my students.

My dad's name isn't Biff.

I just want to take a moment to address the readers of my dad's blog. Maybe none of you will read this, maybe all of you will, but it doesn't matter. I feel like I need to get my two cents in, and that a comment just won't cut it.

My parents are my heroes. My father is truly the most amazing man I have ever known.

Do any of you who say such mean things and write such horrible comments stop to think about Tom's four children who are on the internet daily, reading daddy's blog, and seeing people say such awful things to him? Granted, I'm an adult, I can handle it, but what if my little brother reads those things? My dad is not a character in a movie. He is a father, a husband, and a man who works tirelessly to make my family's life as good as he can. And he does a fantastic job.

My dad made the decision that he would no longer sign anything from Back to the Future, and I couldn't be prouder of him. I was born shortly after the first Back to the Future came out, and therefore I have never known life without my dad being "Biff" to everyone else. I don't think I could ever explain to people how many times I have been walking with my dad and heard "Hey, McFly!" or "What are you looking at, butthead?"

I specifically remember going to a restaurant with my family, I believe to celebrate my sister's birthday, and a teenage guy came up to our table. He told my dad that he had a bet going with his friends that he was, in fact, Biff. My dad joked with him and told him he needed to get some money on the bet - so he came back with a 5 dollar bill. My dad told him he had won the bet, and signed the bill for him. Now, you can't tell me that my dad is rude, or ignores his fans. This teenager had just interrupted a family dinner, and my dad was kind and joked with him and probably made his day.

This kind of thing happened countless times. I have gotten autographs for my friends, I have been stopped by people on the street so I can take a picture of them with my dad, & I have been called "Biff's daughter" my whole life.

I remember my freshman year of high school, my science teacher would tease me and say she was only being nice to me because I was "Biff's daughter." I knew it was a joke, but being known as "Biff's daughter" gets old after a while. My dad's name is Tom, and my name is Mazie, and I have a lot to say and a lot to offer the world besides having a dad in an iconic movie.

My father is grateful to have been in this iconic movie, and I know he is happy that he means so much to people. My family could not be prouder of him for this. However, he has done so much more. He writes music, he paints, he sings, he plays the guitar (among other instruments), he takes care of his four children, two dogs, and wife, he does stand-up comedy, acts, writes, and makes people laugh everyday.

He is choosing to no longer appease the fans who only see him as one thing - "Biff." He will still take a picture with you. He will shake your hand. He will become your friend, and will sign anything else. But his name is Tom. And he is so much more than his character in a movie from 1985.

There is a time and place to let go of certain experiences, and I think it is time for my dad to let go of Back to the Future. He is not ignoring it altogether, nor is he discounting the experience as a positive one, nor is he insulting his fans. He simply can no longer be tied down by something that happened so long ago.

I don't think any of you will understand the impact this movie has had on his life and I think it's unfair for you to make accusations or to get angry over something you can't really grasp.

It is also unfair to compare my father with Michael J. Fox. Every actor makes his own choices, and they are all PEOPLE. Furthermore, Michael J. Fox is NOT known as "Marty McFly." I doubt his kid is known as "Marty's son." He is probably known as "Michael J. Fox's son." Still not great. But better.

In any case. I could not be prouder of my father. I think he is doing the right thing, and I know he doesn't care what anyone else thinks, but I do. I respect him more than anyone in the world, and he deserves your respect, too.

Please, be kind. He is not just a character from a movie. He is my daddy, and I will not just sit here quietly while people put him down.

I hope you can look past your selfish need for his autograph on your Back to the Future memorabilia, and realize the person that is beyond all that.

Thanks for reading. I guess that's all I have to say on this topic for the time being.

Mazie

Another Pre-Bedtime Thought

Singing with friends makes a bad day so much better.

Pre-Bedtime Thought

Moms are God's best invention.

Well, mine is, anyway.

Thoughts from an Almost-College-Graduate

This year has been an adventure. Fall Quarter was absolutely miserable, and I don't feel the need to share why. After spending months feeling sorry for myself, my car finally exploded -- seriously -- and I knew God was trying to get my attention. With my depression issues, it is so easy for me to give in to sadness for one day, after which it is so much harder to recover and begin choosing happiness again. In October and November, I gave in day after day. I gave up the fight, and it wasn't until my car blew up - I was literally driving in a huge cloud of smoke - that I realized it was MY choice to make a change. Happiness was not going to come knocking on my door, I was going to have to walk out my door and find it.

So I did. So far, 2009 has been a year of personal growth and exploration, and searching for joy and for love. I spent the first 40 days of the year on a personal fast and offering up my life once again to Christ. He took my heart and made it completely new, and for this I am incredibly grateful.

So far this year, I have composed a musical, Book of Tink, in 2 months. I wrote about 25 songs - I did not even know I was capable of composing so much music in such a short period of time, let alone teaching it, arranging it for instruments, and recording all the instruments for the show tracks. It was one of the most gratifying experiences I have ever had. The Prologue of the show was about 6 minutes long with 5-part harmonies and 17 singers. As the show was done in the round, the singers surrounded the entire theatre behind the audience members so the music came from all sides. Every night, we practiced the Prologue before the show, and I stood in the middle of the theatre to listen to my singers.

One night my dear friend Victor, who was an Assistant Director, wrote me a note that said:

"What does it feel like to stand in the center of your creation?"

I didn't have an answer then, but I think the best explanation I can think of is that I felt like I was standing inside out.

I literally felt as if my physical self was standing inside of my soul, rather than my soul being inside my physical body. This music WAS my soul and I had given it to my singers to express for me. I could not have been more humbled by the experience of hearing 17 people sing my soul back to me. There are no words for an experience like that.

Now that Book of Tink is over, I am putting my heart into another project, Songs for a New World. I am finally performing again for the first time since June 2008 in Reefer Madness. I have been so focused on teaching other people to sing that I have not sung for a very long time, and I am thrilled to get the chance to perform again. After this project, I will be in Little Women in May and June, playing Marmee. I could not be more excited about that - what a wonderful way to leave UC Irvine.

As far as my feelings about graduation go, I am pretty terrified at the moment.

I am not afraid of what is beginning; I am afraid of what is ending.

It is incredibly scary to leave a lifestyle I have known since I was 4 years old. For as long as I can remember, I have been a student. I have spent four years at a college that I love with friends whom I adore. I know that no matter how many friends I have now, there will only be a handful who will always remain in my life - and that just makes me sad. There are many aspects of college that I will not want to leave behind when I graduate.

I must interrupt myself, however, because while writing this, I re-read the title of my journal. Adventures in an Uncertain World.

How incredibly appropriate. In two months, I am leaving certainty behind and leaving for my adventures in an uncertain world.

When it comes down to it, I will miss college, but I am ready for my big adventure. I can't wait to see what the world has in store for me.