Difficult day.

Moving to another state is hard.

Moving to another state when you are an artist is even harder.

Moving to another state when you are an artist and already broke is even harder.

Moving to another state when you are an artist, broke, and loved your job back at home with every ounce of your heart is just so hard some days.

Today was one of those days.

I had a job waiting for me when I got here, and I am loving it, but it will never be the same. And I am not making enough money to live on unfortunately. So the search has gone on for weeks, and it just feels eternal. And I just keep wondering, what is it that I really want to be doing with my life here in Denver?

The truth is, I just want to make music. I want to teach, I want to music direct, I want to sing. I don't want to work a job that just pays the bills. I guess I have been spoiled for years -- building up such a big clientele of voice students that all I needed to do was SOCSA and lessons, and make a living doing exactly what I want to do and what I love. Teaching amazingly talented teenagers and putting on great shows.

The kids I am working with now are wonderful, and my co-workers are great. They are younger, though, and it does make a difference. There is nothing like working with high school kids at an arts school who want to do this with their LIFE, who are studying and working their butts off to be able to do this forever. 

I'm looking into a job as a paraprofessional, which means I would go to school and assist special needs kids with keeping up with lessons. Working with children with special needs is another huge passion of mine, so the thought of doing this as a career along with working at a children's theatre is still exciting. I just hope one of these applications comes through and that I finally get a job. It will be nice to not worry about money for the first time in a long, long time.

I know this isn't the most uplifting post, but I figure it's better just to be honest, right?

I know I am where I am supposed to be and God is working through all of this somehow. I hope I just see what He's trying to show me soon.