A Very...Very...Late 2012 in Review

So. I think I'm ready to return to this blog, and I have some thoughts as to where I would like it to go. But I'm a little OCD and looking back, it bothers me that I never did my annual year in review for 2012. I've done it so many years now that it seems like an empty hole in my blogging! So... FINALLY... Seriously, FINALLY... Here is my 2012 in Review... It will be a good memory challenge for me :)

JANUARY:

So John Paul asked me to be his girlfriend on December 31, 2011 and on January 1, 2012 he ended up in the emergency room. Talk about a bonding experience. I remember the people at the front desk asking if I wanted to go in and see my boyfriend, which was such a weird thing to hear!

We had our annual GNO - Girls Night Out. We were missing a few of our girls but had an amazing night catching up and dancing all night! These girls know my heart so well and we love each other so much. They are such a precious gift to me.

FEBRUARY:

I visited John Paul in Denver for the first time and was welcomed with a sign on the front door that said "Love Shack" and JP's and my initials stomped out in a big heart in the snow. It was my first time meeting his roommates, Peter and Dave, and got to see his life in Colorado. 

I music directed Sweet Charity at SOCSA but this was the only photo taken of the entire experience. Here we are at the auditions! John Paul ended up surprising me in April and came to the show, but we didn't get any pictures of it - my face when I saw him would have made a priceless photo though!

John Paul and I skyped each other for our Valentine's Day date. You can probably track our entire relationship with screen shots. We dressed up for Valentine's Day and drank wine together :)

MARCH:

My beautiful cousin Alicia got married to Noah. It was such a gorgeous ceremony and reception. I got to sing the song for their first dance. We loved having a family wedding and celebrating together. (This was so long ago that they have a baby now - my new nephew Elijah!)

APRIL:

I was invited to join John Paul at his roommate's wedding. I flew out to Denver and got to celebrate the marriage of Ed and Diane, who are now lovely friends of mine as well.

This was the only documentation of John Paul's April trip to Orange County to surprise me. We ended up going wine tasting with two of our favorite people - Jonny and Crystal. 

MAY:

John Paul's brother, Matthew, got married to beautiful Dannielle in Orange County. I got to meet the entire Rudolph clan and even got the job of picking up the wedding rings. It was a beautiful wedding and a great week getting to know John Paul's family for the first time.

And my little brother got confirmed. This is the four of us after the Mass and before our celebration. These are my three favorite people and best friends - can you tell we love each other?

JUNE:

On June 1st (John Paul's birthday), JP and I finished our road trip from LA to Denver to move me there for the summer. It's crazy how long ago this seems now (and how long ago it was!). This photo was taken when JP pulled off the highway to show me a really beautiful river in Colorado. We stopped to soak in God's beauty and put our feet in the water. It was so gorgeous, and I love this photo - we were so excited to start our summer of finally living in the same city!

This is my team from my Colorado job at Rocky Mountain Theatre for Kids: Mary Beth, Devin, Marie and Amanda. We worked on Narnia together. It was a crazy four weeks but I was so lucky to get to know these beautiful women right away when I moved. I am still in touch with all of them and love them all very dearly.

JULY:

This is my beautiful Denver roommate and one of my best friends, Colleen. We lived together for our summer in Colorado and it could not have been more perfect. We were nervous about being such good friends and living together, but we really did make perfect roommates. I love this girl more than ever and couldn't have survived the summer without her. There were many nights when I was trying to figure out my life, my relationship, my career, and she would lie in my bed with me and let me cry and give me her endless love and wisdom. I am so grateful for our friendship! This photo is from her birthday celebration in Denver.

AUGUST:

I am going to skip straight over Gleeful at RMTK, because it was a horrendously stressful experience. Aladdin came after that, and it was the perfect way to end the summer. We had a new addition to our team, Dillon, who is such a lovely woman and such a joy to work with. The kids were great and we had so much fun together.

John Paul and I had a lot of amazing dates in Colorado, but I'll just highlight this one. He took me to Rocky Mountain National Park, which was absolutely gorgeous. And here is proof that my boyfriend and I actually can be outdoors-y! We even hiked! He kind of pushed me up the hill. I've lost a LOT of weight since then so it might be a different experience now :) Anyway, it was gorgeous.

After my work at RMTK was over, JP and I took our first trip together to Illinois to visit his family. It was a great trip where I met tons of people who've known JP his whole life. This photo is of JP's parents, his grandma, and his youngest brother, Isaac, when we took a boat ride on the Spirit of Peoria.

And to end the summer, John Paul and I took our road trip back to California to move me home. It was a beautiful car ride and a great way to end our time together. The summer was difficult but amazing and we ended it knowing we wanted to continue to pursue our relationship, with the hope that we would be able to live in the same place again in the near future.

SEPTEMBER:

The first thing JP and I did when we got back to LA was to have all my favorite people over for a BBQ at Wilson World. I have pictures with everyone but I'll just pick a few :) My beautiful best friend from high school, Natalie, finally got to meet my boyfriend! I adore this girl and our friendship. She is my sister and every time we are together there is so much joy and laughter. I really am blessed by women like her who know and love my heart so unconditionally. 

Here are some of my favorite people, the Flemings, right before Whitney had her beautiful baby boy, John. I love my friendship with Whitney and was so glad JP finally got to meet her, Jack, and Raelin.

And one more picture of some of my favorite people - David and Brittany - although David looks a little crazy in this picture :) haha!

OCTOBER:

Of course, I have to include my annual photo from choir retreat. I got to be the chaperone for the junior/senior cabin, and although we don't get any sleep (clearly), we always have a blast. I am the queen of scary-story telling and spider-killing, although this year my scary stories made some kids cry and want to go home! Whoops.

My beautiful college best friend, Deidre, came to Orange County to visit me for a weekend. It was amazing to get a few days just for us. I am so blessed to have her in my life, someone who has lived with me and seen me at my worst and my best and loves me through it all. She is getting married next month! Geez louise does time fly. I am her Maid of Honor with her high school best friend, Stefanie. I am so excited!

This is my 25th birthday with 3 of my favorite ladies in the world. We had a really simple but lovely dinner and celebration. I loved it!

NOVEMBER:

I took another trip to Denver (a few trips were skipped over in this review), but this time we did a pre-Thanksgiving dinner. I did lots of cooking and although it was incredibly stressful (I'm a bit OCD...), it turned out delicious and we had a great time. This was our "big reveal" of the turkey!

And over the actual Thanksgiving weekend, my sisters and I had an amazing daddy-daughter date to the first screening of Les Miserables in LA. It was an incredible night, an amazing movie, and we all had the time of our lives. We were so lucky to experience it together! I'll never forget the look my dad and I exchanged when the music started in the theatre. Amazing.

DECEMBER:

I did my African dance show at IVC again, just like last year. My tribe has been such a family to me, and dancing brings me so much joy! This year, Tariqah joined our tribe - Jason and Bineta's little baby girl :) 

Before I moved to Denver in January 2013, I wanted to put on one big concert to say thank you and farewell to all my family and friends. It was such an amazing evening and something I've wanted to do for years. I had great friends playing piano and drums, with a bassist and students playing guitar, cello and violin. I sang the songs that are the most important to me, and songs that signify who I am the best. So many people that I love came out to say goodbye and share the day with me. It was an amazing feeling to be so surrounded with love!

The week after my concert, SOCSA had our weekend of Into the Woods performances. This was (what was supposed to be) my last show at SOCSA, so it was an incredibly emotional weekend for everyone. This is at the cast party, where I had to say goodbye to each of my beautiful students and try to tell them all how much they have impacted my life. God is so good and gracious and it is so beautiful that I get to return to this home and love this fall now that I am home. I am anxious about returning to Orange County, but knowing I am going home to my SOCSA family brings me so much peace and joy.

And finally, although New Year's Eve was John Paul's and my one year anniversary, he needed to be in Florida for work so I got to have an amazing girls' night out with my favorite ladies. Gracie finally turned 21 as well, so she was able to join the festivities. We had such a blast going out and dancing all night! We also knew it was going to be the last time we were going to all be together before I moved to Colorado.

Little did I know what God had in store for me. And that's where I will pick up and start this blog again... What a roller coaster this year has been so far. It is on my heart to share my story, so hopefully I'll start the journey of writing soon. More to come.

Showtunes and life.

Well. As I was writing that, I was watching my dvd of Songs for a New World that I did with Tony, Deidre, and Farns. Sometimes I just put it on when I'm feeling nostalgic. Does that make me a total cheeseball? I guess I don't really care. It really makes me happy.

As I got a little weepy, this song came on:

It's about one moment, the moment you see this world will be fine
And in that one moment, you turn and you see a boundary line
And you've got one second to try to decide: be safe or be free, the new or the old
And the wind starts to blow
And, oh, you're suddenly a stranger
With time to learn to touch the sky
If you didn't try, then you'd never get to fly
So you pick a spot to roam
And you're welcomed home
To a new world calling me to follow
There's a new world, just behind the door
A new world calls me
And I'm ready to explore.

I don't think I've used musical theatre lyrics to describe how I'm feeling since I was 13 years old and had a livejournal.

But really, those lyrics helped me so much when I was graduating from college, and they are as true as ever right now. SOCSA was where I found who I am, who I want to be, and what I am called to do. But I knew it was time to go. It really was time to decide to be safe or be free, the new or the old.

I think my favorite line right now, though, is "with time to learn to touch the sky."

I need to allow myself the grace of time to figure out what I want to do. For God to show me what to do. To finally feel at home.

Woof.

Thanks for reading, friends.

Difficult day.

Moving to another state is hard.

Moving to another state when you are an artist is even harder.

Moving to another state when you are an artist and already broke is even harder.

Moving to another state when you are an artist, broke, and loved your job back at home with every ounce of your heart is just so hard some days.

Today was one of those days.

I had a job waiting for me when I got here, and I am loving it, but it will never be the same. And I am not making enough money to live on unfortunately. So the search has gone on for weeks, and it just feels eternal. And I just keep wondering, what is it that I really want to be doing with my life here in Denver?

The truth is, I just want to make music. I want to teach, I want to music direct, I want to sing. I don't want to work a job that just pays the bills. I guess I have been spoiled for years -- building up such a big clientele of voice students that all I needed to do was SOCSA and lessons, and make a living doing exactly what I want to do and what I love. Teaching amazingly talented teenagers and putting on great shows.

The kids I am working with now are wonderful, and my co-workers are great. They are younger, though, and it does make a difference. There is nothing like working with high school kids at an arts school who want to do this with their LIFE, who are studying and working their butts off to be able to do this forever. 

I'm looking into a job as a paraprofessional, which means I would go to school and assist special needs kids with keeping up with lessons. Working with children with special needs is another huge passion of mine, so the thought of doing this as a career along with working at a children's theatre is still exciting. I just hope one of these applications comes through and that I finally get a job. It will be nice to not worry about money for the first time in a long, long time.

I know this isn't the most uplifting post, but I figure it's better just to be honest, right?

I know I am where I am supposed to be and God is working through all of this somehow. I hope I just see what He's trying to show me soon.

Let's try this again.

So I failed at blogging about my summer adventure in Colorado. I was too busy working my butt off with kids all day, and then trying to balance out finally living in the same place as my boyfriend. So I apologize.

But it's time to start over, since I just moved to Colorado... for realsies. 

John Paul and I didn't take as many pictures this time on the road trip... 

Except this one. JP's victory pose after successfully getting the tarp on top of my car backpack, as I liked to call it. Yes, this is all I brought with me! I was pretty proud of myself... Packing was a nightmare but I managed to really go through everything I own and donated a ton of stuff to Goodwill and my little sister's college apartment. :)

I got to Denver on January 12th, and on the 13th, one of my best friends from college, Alan, flew in to help me move. It was so nice to have him here.... he and JP basically had craigslist adventures and picked up a bunch of furniture for me while I worked. It was wonderful. So I went off to work on Monday and came back to couches, a TV stand, coffee table, and a bed! I was spoiled. I'm living in a little one-bedroom apartment about 5 minutes away from JP - I'm totally loving it and enjoying making it my own space now. Oh, and work - I'm still working at the theatre I worked at over the summer! We're doing Thoroughly Modern Millie and it's been a lot of fun already.

Anyway, when Alan was here we took him out for a pre-birthday celebration. We found this new place called The Punch Bowl - and it's the best!! It's a bar, but there are photo booths, darts, shuffle board, bowling, foosball, ping pong, pool, arcade games... Holy moly. It was such a blast.

(JP and Peter face off in foosball while Alan photobombs.)

Anyway, I'm still looking for more work, but I'm happy! I started with a company that is basically an agency for finding voice and piano students. I taught my first piano lessons EVER yesterday, believe it or not. I was so terrified, but I ended up having a blast! I taught an 8-year-old girl and then her mom. It was so different but I really enjoyed myself so I'm excited to keep going with piano lessons and see how that grows. 

Aside from that, JP and I are doing great and enjoying being in the same place. I am loving Colorado, even the SNOW -- which is crazy to drive in, California people. Holy moly. But it's all beautiful and I love it. Missing my Wilson World family and my SOCSA family, but I'm where I'm supposed to be right now! God is good!

More to come soon.

xoxo

The Road Trip.

May 31st I picked up John Paul from the airport. He threw his backpack in my back seat and we started driving to Colorado!

I am proud to say that JP was shocked at how well my car was packed -- you could see completely out of the back window. As a chronic over-packer, this was a huge accomplishment for me. For my move, I was unable to keep my home in Orange County. I was renting a room from a roommate that I absolutely adore, but I couldn't afford to hold on to the room. So I had to completely move out. It was incredibly emotional and difficult, and a LOT of work -- I had lived there for almost 2 years. It was seriously incredible how much STUFF I accumulated in 2 years, and how much stuff my little room was holding. It was like a clown car -- boxes and boxes coming out of my room... I literally have no idea how it all fit in there. But I put most of it in storage and only packed what I needed and was on my way with JP!

After not seeing him for a few weeks, it was so nice to spend an entire road trip with him. We got to stop in Vegas and see Alan, one of my best friends from college -- which I didn't get a picture of -- but I was so happy to have JP meet such a dear friend. Nevada's landscape was nothing noteworthy, and I slept through half of Utah -- but I managed to get a few pictures of how beautiful it was.

But when we got to Colorado, it absolutely took my breath away.

God is truly an incredible artist. I am so glad JP drove, because I just got to stare out the window and bask in God's glory. The mountains, the rivers, the trees... I don't even have words. It's gorgeous.

JP pulled over for me at one point, because I was just so in awe. We found a spot where I could put my feet in Colorado water and just enjoy God's glory!

And JP got a picture of me enjoying the Colorado air. I was like a little kid! So happy.

We got to Colorado and settled me into my apartment where Colleen had already set it up to be waiting for me when I got there. She already had pictures of us hanging in the kitchen, in frames in the living room, and there were sunflowers on the kitchen table. It made me feel at home right away.

And my boyfriend had these waiting for me on my dresser! I'm a lucky girl. (And yes that's a little honey bear. It makes it even more endearing.)

Still happy. Missing home. Love you all!

COLORADO. The Basics.

Hi friends,

So I just moved to Colorado for the summer as most of you know. (For those who don't, sorry for the surprise, but don't worry, I'll be back!)

I thought I would start up my blog again so you could all keep tabs on what I'm up to and how I'm doing, because as we all know, I'm horrible at the phone and to top it off, I'm living in a new place with a new job and things have been a little crazy. So here it is. The beginning of the story... just to catch you all up. Here are the basics!

I'm dating this guy.

His name is John Paul. He is pretty great. He lives in Denver, Colorado. I live in Orange County, California.

I like him so much I decided I wanted to be closer than 1,000 miles apart. So I took the opportunity to move to Denver for the summer and experience 3 months of living in the same place as him.

We decided in March that this would be a good idea -- and it took the entire months of April and May to set up all the plans. It was insane and many, many tears were shed over the stress (by me, not him) and well, let's face it, I'm horrible with change. I love stability. I love my job, I love my house, I love my friends, I love my students, I love my family. I know it's only for the summer, but I've never done anything like this before!

So here it is, my big adventure.

I got an apartment with one of my best friends in the whole world.

Her name is Colleen. She is also living in Denver just for the summer, and as God would have it, her previous living plans had fallen through just as I decided living in Denver was a good idea. So we got a 2 bedroom apartment, rented some furniture, and have been nesting and just spending time together all week. I couldn't be happier to be living with one of my best friends and such an amazing woman of God.

We live here.

It's 5 minutes away from my boyfriend, which is novel to me. And it's right by a creek. With trees. I love it.

I got a job here.

This is The Magic Playhouse, home of Rocky Mountain Theatre for Kids where I am their summer music director. We are doing 3 summer camps and one full musical per camp. The kids are 8-16 years old and we play games, have theater/voice/dance/etc. classes, and rehearse and perform all in 2-4 weeks. I was very scared of the transition from working with mainly 15-18 year olds to mainly 8-12 year olds, but so far I have loved it.

I hope that answers everyone's questions so far. I guess the most important thing everyone wants to know is if I am happy and well. And I am! I am so happy to be here. I know in my soul that I am supposed to be here right now and I have such a peace about it. God brought me here -- he lined up this job, this apartment, my beautiful roommate, all at the right time. It has been a very bumpy road getting here (and there will be more to come I'm sure!) but for now, I am so peaceful.

More to come, soon. I have pictures of the road trip in getting here and will tell you all about my new job soon!

Love to you all and miss you.

Late Night Thoughts

I just started reading the blog of a woman who is in the process of adopting a baby girl. It is such a beautiful blog, so honest and so heartfelt. I have been reading it as if it were a book - so compelled by her story, so invested in her family, so inspired.

 But what inspired me the most was not her heart for adoption. It was her fire and passion for God. Something that I have greatly lacked in my life as of late. This young woman writes constantly in her blog of falling on her knees in prayer, surrendering to God and wanting only to do His will. This is the kind of woman I long to be, but I know I fall so short.

 I couldn't help but read her story and wonder what it is that God wants from me, specifically. What gift do I have to offer to this world that is special? That only I was created to give?

I want to do what I alone was meant to do and I want to be the woman God wants me to be. I just have no idea how to start. I feel this desire of my heart burning so intensely, and I know it is what God is calling me to.

I just have no idea where to put my foot down for that first step.

 Time to pray.